The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) is investigating the
circumstances surrounding a foot injury suffered by one of its police
officers. The department is trying to determine whether the officer’s
injuries were caused by the wayward driving of none other than famed
citizen Britney Spears. Did Britney really run over the toes of an L.A.
County Sheriff deputy? Well, the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office has
indicated that it is too soon to determine whether any charges will be
filed for the alleged foot damage. The injured cop was guiding Spears

The Web site JunkScience.com has raised its “prize” offering from $100,000 to $125,000 for anyone who can actually supply proof that human emissions of greenhouse gases are causing global warming.

Tom Cruise apparently intends to construct a $10 million bunker under his home in Telluride in order to keep wife Katie Holmes and daughter Suri safe from an intergalactic alien attack. Cruise does have some interplanetary experience. After all, he starred in Steven Spielberg’s 2005 flick “War of the Worlds.” According to Star Magazine, Cruise plans to hunker in a bunker because of his devotion to the Church of Scientology. He reportedly believes that “an evil revenge attack” is being plotted by Xenu, a dethroned galactic potentate.

Terrorist leaders are weighing in on Rosie O’Dumbell’s geopolitical rantings.

Ramadan Adassi, the terrorist head of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, has said
that he agrees with O’Donnell’s views. And Ala Senakreh, the West Bank chief of
the same terrorist group, is inviting Rosie to come on a fact-finding visit and
live with them for a while.

Elton John recently hosted a black-tie gala to benefit his AIDS Foundation. The old gay rocker took the opportunity to express his displeasure with the teaching of abstinence to teens. “They've made a grave error in giving millions to abstinence programs,” John told the audience. “They don't work. They were told in the beginning that it wouldn't work. It's a tragic waste of money. Please don't listen to those idiots. God almighty.”

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iranians and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before government funding.

Some celebrities fancy themselves as royalty, others as diplomats. The material girl is trying to wear both hats. On a recent excursion to Israel, Madonna had the opportunity to meet with Shimon Peres at his residence in Jerusalem. The Israeli president reportedly gave the pop princess a beautifully bound copy of the Old Testament and she gave him a copy of a primer on Kabbalah called “The Book of Splendor.” “You don't know how popular 'The Book of Splendor' is among Hollywood actors,” Madonna told Peres.

The “U.S. American” beauty contestant who suffered a geographical meltdown during last month’s Miss Teen USA pageant can now have the last laugh, with the chance to make up to $25,000 a day as a model for Donald Trump. Lauren Caitlin Upton, 18, of Lexington, S.C., reportedly flew to New York City today to begin employment for Trump Model Management". “My lifelong dream has been to travel the world and pursue my modeling career,” Upton told WIS-TV.

Lindsay Lohan hadn’t seen her father since he went to a New York prison after being found guilty of driving under the influence and related charges in 2005. Lohan’s dad Michael recently reunited with his daughter at the Cirque Lodge treatment center in Utah, and she apparently told him something rather encouraging. “When we finally came face to face we just clung on to each other and did not stop crying for at least half an hour,” Michael told News of the World.

Ever since exchanging marriage vows with basketball star Tony Parker, Eva Longoria apparently has a new perspective when it comes to kissing on cue. Part and parcel of many an acting gig is the requisite love scene. But the “Desperate Housewives” actress, whose character’s amorous activities are trademark, now dreads onscreen make-outs. “It was weird for me before I was married. I hate the kissing. Kissing is the most intimate thing,” the actress told the Evening Echo, an Irish newspaper.